Review me, baby



Where are stars born?

Far beyond Earth?

Deep in the heart of the Milky Way?

Amongst the countless nebulae swirling through the void?

Nope. Not today they’re not.

This one’s for the readers. For all the Kindle lovers, trade paperback eaters, and hardcover crushers. It’s a request…well…more of a plea. Like the song says, “I ain’t too proud to beg.” Except the ‘I‘ is really ‘we‘, and the ‘we‘ is every self-respecting author and artist on the planet.

We need you. I need you.

It’s a different perspective on this side of the industry. It used to be after reading a good book or listening to a great album, I’d say, “I don’t need to post a review for this. It’s good enough. It’ll get plenty of love from someone else.” But no more. I’ve seen the light. Reviews, particularly easily-accessible online reviews, are artists’ lifeblood. And not just the ridiculous, fan-boy five-star reviews. All of them. Better to have fifty 4-star reviews than ten at 5 stars. Better to have a hundred at 3.5 than fifty at 4.0.

how-to-get-amazon-reviews  See these little guys? These here are the golden ticket to success. Without ’em, the modern artist tends to starve. While a few bad reviews won’t break a book or dry up interest in an album, NO reviews at all can be a death knell. When a potential customer arrives at a site, their interest already piqued, and sees ‘Be the first to review this item?‘ the result is usually crickets. Cemeteries. Graveyards where dreams go to die. Maybe the customer will take a leap of faith, but not likely. I know I wouldn’t, not unless the artist was a friend.

With dedication to being a better reviewer in mind, here’s a list of the things I’m willing to do to win even a single review from you, my readers:

  • Mow your lawn
  • Wash your car
  • Walk your dog (or your cat)
  • Make out with you
  • Hang drywall in your basement
  • Fist-fight your neighbor’s annoying dog (no pit bulls, please)
  • Write you an epic review
  • Stalk your ex
  • Stalk you
  • Jump off a cliff. Naked. Into the ocean. Smeared with chum

I think you get the point. This is my plea to you: If you buy a book, an album, or a piece of art, review it. I plan to make it a habit, an honest-to-goodness lifestyle change. The important thing to remember is that the review should be honest. Don’t auto five-star everything. Be genuine. Be legit. Be thorough.

So if you love it? Review it.

Hate it? Review it.

Overcome with crushing indifference? R-e-v-i-e-w it.

And while you’re at it, read and review all of these, particularly Dark Moon Daughter. I’ll love you for at least three minutes.


I haven’t actually been to a star nursery, but I hear they’re pretty epic.

J Edward Neill

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  1. May I say this is a stellar plea of epic proportion! Ok, pun intended but sincere. You are so right and yet few people stop to consider what a review would mean to the author and future sales. I’ll admit I don’t write many. Your cliff-jumping offer intrigues me, though… 😉

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