The Legion of Lego

It’s my kid’s birthday next week.

He’ll be 4. Pretty much the best age ever.

In his honor, I thought I’d share some of the weird, wacky Lego dudes he’s constructed over the last year.

See, he and I have this game. It goes a little like this:

  • I buy a Lego set and spend an hour or two building it
  • He immediately disassembles it and builds something different
  • I drink to drown my Lego sorrows

I joke…mostly. Seriously, I love building Legos with him. His imagination is up for anything, anytime. And sometimes (meaning all the time) the crazy blend of superheroes/villains/random dudes he creates cracks me up. He knows it makes me laugh, and so he does it every chance he gets.

 I present to you:

G Man’s Top 10 Super Villain Random Anti-Heroes

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Super Sauron Riddler with Flame Pants and Coffee. He’s full of caffeine and ready to conquer Middle Krypton.

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It’s the eagle from Lord of the Rings. As ridden by Princess Uni-Kitty. If I’m Sam and Frodo suffering on the slopes of Mount Doom, I’m pissed if this is my rescue squad.

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Gandalf. Wearing stormtrooper armor. With a batarang in hand. Standing on the top of Barad Dur. In other words, this is how Sauron was REALLY defeated.

 

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Instead of ‘when pigs fly,’ G Man decided he’d change the saying to ‘when Minecraft skeletons ride Nazgul horses.’ Same thing, really.

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I’m pretty sure I dated this girl. Robot. Thin. Carried a longbow. Nice hair. I can’t remember why we broke up.

 

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Anyone remember that movie/Sat Night Live sketch, The Coneheads? Ok, so G Man’s never seen either. Whatever. Imagine you’re a shrink and this dude’s sitting on YOUR couch…

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Some random guy with a Sauron hat lording over a parapalegic zombie with sweet hair. With a bullhorn. And a shovel. No other kid has ever created this scene. I’m sure of it.

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So when the Flash died, he got into the stock market big time. That’s in the comics, right?

 

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When I asked G Man what this scene was all about, he said, “They’re eating fish for dinner.” I’m thinking, ‘Does Gollum really have the biceps to carry that sword?’

 

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Lord Business kicking Vetruvius off the counter. (The kid never really approved of Lord Business NOT winning in The Lego Movie.)

Somebody buy the G Man some green Creeper Legos.

He’s got some terrifying ideas for ’em.

Seriously.

J Edward Neill

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