Welcome to a special edition of Tessera Guild. Normally Amanda Makepeace gives us beautiful art every Thursday. But this week she turned the reigns over to yours truly, J Edward.
Big mistake. 🙂
Every day at the Guild we get hundreds and hundreds of hits. Hits, not tits. Geez. Some days we get thousands of hits. And on really good days, we get tens of thousands.
Almost every single day since we started this site, people searching for porn end up here…on our totally non-porn website. We know this because our website host, WordPress, tells us the Google search terms people use to find us.
To be fair, we have no problem with porn. We figure it’s kinda the reason most people are on the web anyway. If you come to Tessera by accident while searching for Sasha Grey, Lexi Belle, or double-reverse panda bukkake, we’re cool with that.
So here’s a list of some of the porn search terms we’ve seen on our stats page. Plenty of these can be sexplained by the search term having something accidentally in common with an article we published. Others…well…we have no fucking idea.
Porn search terms leading to Tessera Guild:
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Pic of porno husband (was she trying to catch him cheat or something?)
Sexy Labia Moon Party (Invite ME!)
American Porn Photo
Film About Free Sex
American Hot Pron Actress
A Name Pornstar (Lazy person doesn’t even know his/her adult actors.)
Shelly Duvalls Tits
Kmart Sex XXX (Is that a thing?)
Men Pornstar Image
Sex Yessera (WTF?)
Sex Video Gaees (Huh?)
View Animal and Human Sexy Down Spanking Free Video Down (I shit you not.)
How The Evil Sex Died
Terrance Stamp Naked (No thanks.)
Sexy Thighs Smoking on Halloween
The Diga Ass Photo
Yrul Sexy (Yrul is a place in one of J Edward’s books. It’s def not sexy.)
Tessra Lane Sex Videos
Glorious Foxhole (Not sure if this one’s even a porn search. But it sounds suspicious, so…)
Tessera Fucked (We hope not!)
Black Diva Sex Video
Fucking Crying Pornstar (I’ll pretend I have no idea what this means.)
Pronstar Sex Com
Sexy Bangladesh Girl
And also: Sexy Bangladesh Girl on Twitter
Men Pornstar Image
Men Pronstar Image
Tamil Ande Path XXX (Ande’s a character in this book. I guess she’d be Google-worthy.)
Black Big Spiders Hate Fucking Video
Sex Vedeo Pron Gallery (WTF is a vedeo?)
All porn is good. (Not sure I agree with that.)
Shonke Sex Vids (Probably looking for Chad Shonk.)
And finally: Calvin and Hobbes Fuck
* * *
That was fun to type. Great release. I need a cigarette.
Oh, and This is almost pornographic.
This too, maybe.