10 Questions for When You’re Tipsy

jd-girl

It’s late. You’ve had a few adult beverages. You’re with a few friends. Or maybe you’re alone.

It’s time to break out ten questions you might not ask if you were sober.

* * *

Let’s Get Physical

 Assuming one-on-one combat, what percentage of the world’s population could you handle in a fight?

*

Unshackle the Chains 

Consider the laws in whichever country you call home.

Choose three things you want to no longer be illegal.

*

Buying Love

 You have $10 with which to build your ideal romantic companion.

Spend wisely:

$5 – Fantastic in Bed                       $5 – A Great Parent

$3 -An Amazing Body           $3 – A Great Sense of Humor

$3 – Highly Intelligent         $2 – A Specific Skill ($2 per Skill)

$1 – Has ________ in Common With You ($1 Each)

$3 – Morally Solid             $5- Wealthy

$7 – Will Always Love You

*

Silver Tongues

 What is the worst lie you’ve ever told? 

If you’re reluctant to answer, then…

…what is the worst lie someone has ever told you?

And why?

*

The Heist 

If you could steal any one thing in the world and make it yours forever, what would it be?

It can be an object, a person, a life situation, a place.

You won’t get in any trouble for taking it.

No one will ever know.

Well?

*

On a Scale of 0-10…

…in which 0 is ‘not at all’, 5 is average, and 10 means ‘highly’:

How intelligent are you?

How physically attractive are you?

How charming?

How artistic?

How generous?

 And how narcissistic?

*

Three Drinks Too Many

 People in relationships can answer this one, too. (just make sure their significant other is cool…or not present.)

 So…

It’s Friday night.

You’re out with your friends, no date.

You’ve had a few drinks too many.

If you were to text or call any one person from your past, who would it be.

And why?

*

Let’s Just Hope They Shave  

 Think about romance during previous generations.

The Roaring 20’s

The Sexual Revolution

The Renaissance

Suppose you got a chance to sample a bit of romantic life in one of these time periods.

Which one would you pick?

And why?

*

Fight Club Time Machine

 Suppose you’re given the chance to travel back in time to fight any one historical figure to the death.

If you defeat them, the course of history will be changed in accordance with their absence.

The fight will be hand-to-hand. Your foe will be in their prime.

Whom will you fight?

*

The Ultimate ‘What if?’

 If you could be a member of the opposite sex for one single day, would you?

Assume no one but you will ever know.

If yes, what would you like to experience?

What age would you want to be?

What situation would you want to be in?

If you’re not interested, why not?

* * *

These ten questions were pried from the pages of my Coffee Table Philosophy series.

In these books, I pose more than 1,000 questions to people.

Some of which are here.

And sexier ones are here.

J Edward Neill

9 Literary Quotes you’ve never heard of

AncientBook

 

Every morning, I pop open the world’s social media coffers. I shouldn’t, but I do. Marketing is everything, so I’m told, more important than one’s actual ability to write, apparently.

And so…every day I visit Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn, and every day dozens of slick literary quotes reach out and slap me. Seriously…quotes are everywhere. Some are famous. Some not. To be fair, many are crap. I mean really bad. Like when an author is trying to impress a fan base only to post something woefully vague or grammatically poop-tastic. Other quotes are taken out of context or weakened by Twitter’s character limit. And still others are laughably inappropriate when considering who posted them. You know the ones I mean.

Even so, I typically stumble upon a few gems.

Look, I’m gonna level with you. I’m not one for posting or Tweeting or paying much mind to other people’s quotes. I figure the true measure of a writer is his ability to write his own quotes, and that true inspiration should come mostly by accident. While it’s not exactly a cop out to share other folks’ inspiring words, nor is it satisfying for me to put their words in my mouth. So many modern quotes tend to be ‘cat-poster’ material, neither eloquent in design nor powerful in effect. They’re supposed to inspire, but all they do is make me queasy.

That said…

Let’s make a little contest of this. Here are a few quotes you’ve probably never read or heard before. They’re not indie (because I hate that term) but they’re probably off the usual grid. I’ll offer a few hints, but I’m not going to give up the authors’ names. I’m not even going to list the source material. If you happen to know who wrote ’em, go ahead and boast in the comments below. To anyone who can guess even five of these, I’ll send something free.

Nine quotes – off the grid

***

A warning for a soldier:

 “Facile est ultio. Easy vengeance. Never harm a living thing whose children you’ve never seen.” 

***

As felt by the next-to-last man standing:

 The air was crisp, but not chilling, and fresher than any he’d ever breathed. Standing on the slope beneath the trees, he felt small, yet strangely at peace, for as he looked to the sky he found comfort in his defeat. 

***

Making fun of pretentious people:

 “Do people think that staying in a room where an extraordinary person once slept will transfer their greatness to them? Relevance by osmosis?”

***

As read on an arrogant man’s tombstone:

 “History may deem my killer a hero, but I went willingly.”

***

The worst kind of regret:

 “It is hard to write their names. If the ink should run, it is because my hand shakes when I think of what I have done. I agonize over whether I should describe these things, for I so often want to forget them.”

***

Image is everything:

No one wanted their fortunes read by some guy in a t-shirt and jeans. People wanted theatrics…

***

 As experienced by a man who thought he’d won, but really lost:

“I ran howling from the house, from the city, from the world. Where I went and how I survived all those nights in the bitter rain, I’ll never be able to piece together. He never came for me, but he’d killed me all the same.”

***

From a mother to her son:

“But those are just dreams, my sweet. This is the world we live in, and we’ve no choice but to make it our own. Maybe one day the shadows will lift and we’ll be free and happy. We only need to survive until then.”

“I want to.”

“What’s that, love?”

“To survive.”

***

And from a different mother to a different son, on the subject of why everyone should read books:

“Not all people are the same, dearie.  Some treasure the earth and the rain, and live for growing food that others might eat. Some favor the sword, and try to claim dominion wherever their boots fall. Others, like us, are undecided. To understand what you wish to do in life, you must first understand what life is.”  

***

So there you go. I’ll post more quotes in the year 2050, by which time no one will read anything deeper than Spacebook posts and Twiddler feeds.

Love,

J Edward Neill

Author of this.

Co-author of this.