April Fools’ Day
To quote Gollum – “We hates it!”
Here’s the deal. Yes, you’re going to get me. Whatever plans you’ve drawn up and schemed for the past 12 months. It’s going to work. Whatever test you think that you have gotten me on… I am Charlie Brown trying to kick the ball and you are forever pulling it out of my reach.
Congratulations! You win!
Your prize? Oh, someone else’s humiliation. My embarrassment.
So “Yea!” for this “holiday”. Yea, for people dog-piling on to make everyone else feel less clever.
How is this foolishness encouraged? Why?
A few years ago, my Mother-in-law called saying that she was on her way to Florida to visit with some friends because her husband had left her (my wife’s Step Father). And it wasn’t an immediate thing where she said, “Awww, just kidding!” No, she milked it. And my wife tried to work through it a little bit. Trying to figure out the details while in complete shock about the whole thing.
Then the punch in the gut happened.
To which I said (after I recovered from the “what just happened moments”), “Well, that was awful brave of you. What if we had went off on him and said he was a horrible person and we never liked him? That could have really backfired.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean that anyone will have learned their lessons. I just know it. And that’s just one example of many (that I’m not going to get into right now).
Did you know that the night before I repeat a mantra reminding me what April 1 will bring? I set constant reminders. I end up not visiting any blogs or news sites for the day lest I fall for the latest attempt to make me read an entire article.
Again, congratulations! You made me waste time from my day.
Aren’t you clever?
It’s like being told that there are tacks on the floor and we’ve misplaced your shoes… and it’s really dark. So I tip-toe through this hellish day just hoping beyond hope that people don’t look directly at me. That they forget about me and run their prank train on someone else. Just leave me be for 24 hours.
I prefer it when the day lands on a Saturday or Sunday, then I can retreat to my house and not leave for the entirety of the day. I force the pizza delivery guy to hand me the things I’ve ordered and then leave as quickly as possible.
It’s like no one has ever read Peter and the Wolf or something.
<Speaking of old tales… I read that it may/probably/could have originated with Chaucer. So in 1392 he mentioned something that I would rue to this day.>
<700+ years is a long con if ever there was.>
<Well played, Mr. Chaucer.>
And no, this isn’t going to be one of those posts that is so meta that I’ve somehow made it a trick that I hate the day, but at the end I’ll reveal I’m the biggest prankster EVA! And then you’ll feel foolish.
No. That is not going to happen. Instead I invite you to share in my hate. Embrace it with me.
And if you need to get a hold of me, best do it by 12:00 on March 31, because I’ll be in 24 hour lock down for the next day. And no matter what you tell me I won’t believe you. The truth won’t save you on that day.
But let’s be honest, I’ll forget the date and you’ll get me again and dance in the streets…
And I will fume for another year.
John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.
He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!
And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!
He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.