Celebrity Journal Entries

After writing the Weird Journal Prompts post, it occurred to me that what we all like to do more than generate our own Journals is to read the journals of others. It’s in movies and tv and books. How better to be able to really see into someone’s thought patterns than to read those thoughts they put down… something they only want to be able to share with this book. Something, I’d guess, to mark their exact feelings at the time they wrote it so they could look back fondly (or perhaps not so fondly) in a month/year/decade from now.

But I’ve done that one better. I’ve discovered, not unlike Indiana Jones, and unearthed some people’s journal entries that I think we all would like to read. Each have their own prompts to help them unpack some of that emotional baggage they’re carrying around.



To think, a week ago I wanted to go to Tosche Station for some power converters.

From the Journal of Luke Skywalker

What kind of day are you having?

Awesome day! Even better week all things considered. I mean, I rescued a princess, she kissed me (on the cheek, but still… Han didn’t get a kiss), blew up the Empire’s Space Station – suck it Evil Empire!

I got a medal from the Rebellion!

Oh, and I learned how to use a laser sword and something called the Force.

What is your relationship like with various members of your family?

Well, my Aunt and Uncle are dead. And my father was betrayed by Darth Vader. So not great.

Who is someone you miss?

Ben. I know I only knew him a short amount of time, but it was like he was always watching over me.

What do you wish for?

If only I could get another kiss from the Princess…


Peter Gibbons - Office Space

I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.

From the Journal of Peter Gibbons

What kind of day are you having?

Apparently I missed some memo about the TPS reports. So for the rest of the day I had one boss after another come and bug me about it. I messed up. It’s alright.


I hate my job.

What keeps you up at night worrying?

That Bill Lumbergh will end up making me work on the weekend. Every… damn… time.

That, or him banging my girlfriend.

Who is someone you miss?

I wouldn’t say I was missing them.

What do you wish for?

A million dollars. If I had a million dollars, I ‘d do absolutely nothing.



I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet. But your kids are going to love it.

From the Journal of Marty “Calvin Klein” McFly

What kind of day are you having?

It’s been heavy. My mother is in love with me, my father is a loser who has no chance with her, and if I don’t find a way to make sure these two end up together I’ll cease to exist at all!

And did I mention I’m stuck in the past with my only way home is hopping to channel a lightning bolt into the Delorean.

So, yeah, not the greatest day.

What is your relationship like with various members of your family?

Aside from my mother wanting to make out with me at every chance she gets? Oh, it’s just peachy.

What keeps you up at night worrying?

Honestly, when you realize that you may disappear randomly because you screwed up time… well, it’s hard to focus on much else.

Who is someone you miss?

Ah, Jennifer. Though, when I think of her it’s almost like she has two different faces. Weird, right?

What do you wish for?

For Doc not to get killed by the Libyans… but I have an idea on how to stop that.



Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill’em right back.

From the Journal of Captain Malcolm “Mal” Reynolds

What kind of day are you having?

Ship just about ran out of gas a while back. Had to take on some new passengers, but that led to complications.

You know, it probably ain’t best for me to spell out any of my specific misbehavings. What, with the Alliance and all.

Just a random Tuesday for me and the crew. A good day.

What is your relationship like with various members of your family?

My crew’s all the family I need. I take care of them, and they… well, sometimes they end up almost getting me killed.

Now, wives… wives are a different story. And a much longer one than I have time for.

What keeps you up at night worrying?

Are we going to have enough to get to the next port? Is the Alliance going to seize my ship? Is Jane going to try and take the ship over from me? Will Kaylee be able to keep us up in the sky?

Who is someone you miss?

Never had a mind to be missing anyone much at all. Figured a long time ago, you miss someone that fiercely, you ought to make sure they never leave your side.

What do you wish for?

To keep flying. That’s enough for me.





From the Journal of Hodor

What kind of day are you having?


What is your relationship like with various members of your family?


What keeps you up at night worrying?


Who is someone you miss?


What do you wish for?




John McGuire

John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.

His second novel, Hollow Empire, is now complete. The first episode is now FREE!

He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!

And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!

He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.

What if…I directed the original Star Wars trilogy?




 I’m pretty sure Vader had better days.

 But while being x-rayed by the Emperor probably hurts, it also makes for a perfect skull…

 …and a perfect lead-in to Part II of my new What if…? series.

 Last week I What if’d The Lord of the Rings, and what it would’ve been like had I written it as a dark fantasy. This week I’m jumping over to film. To Star Wars. To the original three movies. A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and so forth. Yes, I know it’s heresy. Deal with it.

So…what if? What if, instead of George Lucas’s sometimes fantastical, ocassionally sci-fi (ish), and oftentimes made-for-kids space drama, F’n J Edward Neill stepped in with total creative control? What if I’d fashioned all three movies into a deep, dark, end-of-the-universe, not-at-all-for-kids series?

Well…what if? How would I remake one of the most beloved series of all time into a thick, soupy, shadowy epic?

First up: the bad guys. I demand more competence, more lethality. From the ground up, I’d reinvent the Stormtroopers. Gone would be the slow, bumbling, easily-confused cannon fodder. Dark Stormtroopers would come complete with 500% more terror, skill, and slavish devotion to their purpose (murdering rebels). Instead of nice, clean, shiny…and entirely useless white armor, I’d pack them in matte black. Their armor would amplify speed, aiming, and strength. They’d hurl wookies aside like rag dolls, pick rebels apart with terrifying precision, and sweep through ships like locusts. I was never afraid of the Stormtroopers, not even as a child. But I wanted to be.

Moving along…

An effective way to cast a deeper shadow across any story, especially a sci-fi space drama: give the villains superior weapons. And I don’t just mean bigger guns, scarier costumes, and huger numbers. I mean truly terrifying technology. Red lasers, big ships, and tractor beams are all well and good, but I want to feel a true sense of dread when the bad guys slow down to approach a planet. Give me Star Destroyers launching millions of explosive nano-projectiles. Give me Stormtroopers firing silent, invisible death rays. Give me good guy x-wings not bursting into flames when shot (wouldn’t happen in space anyway) but falling quietly to pieces when Tie Fighters roll up behind them and launch volleys of death particles. Any villain worth his salt (aka Darth Vader) should have a plethora of ways to annihilate his foes. In Dark Star Wars, even one tiny little Imperial ship would scare the shit out of a planet packed with helpless good guys.

 A few small quick hit ways I’d darken up Star Wars:

Ewoks: Scarier

C3P0: Talks less

Star Destroyers: Can actually destroy stars

Darth Vader: Chokes out dozens at a time using the Force. Who needs Dark Stormtroopers when you’ve got a Sith lord capable of slaying ships’ entire crews from afar?

Death Star: Doesn’t blow up planets or blast ships to smithereens, but kills all living things with a big invisible death ray (silent death for everyone!)


Now with a new, darker, scarier paint job…

Perhaps blurred in the fantastical-ish nature of Star Wars are the horrors of extreme technological advancement. Imagine if you will the sheer amount of labor (likely slave labor) and economic sacrifice needed to build a Star Destroyer, a herd of Imperial Walkers, or two Death Stars. To darken up the series, I want everyone to pay the price of building the Empire’s army. Entire planets stripped of resources: Check. Vast automated space stations manned by droids and guarded by ship-killing probes: Check. Star systems enslaved: Check. Alien species wiped out due to inefficiency: Check and mate. The Empire’s truest evil is not in wanting to kill rebels, but in creating the conditions that make the rebels want to rebel in the first place. Compelling my dark reimagining of the series is a vision of galactic-scale misery. I want us to hate the Empire like never before.

And lastly, it has always been one of my contentions that  good guys get off too easy. In modern movies and books, it seems (aside from Game of Thrones) that most if not all protagonists survive their ordeals despite hurling themselves into danger again and again. In my darker, graver vision for Star Wars, the good guys suffer more. In Cloud City, C3P0 meets his doom. He doesn’t get to come back after being blasted by imperial agents, but gets reprocessed with the rest of the junk droids, perhaps even being hacked to provide the Empire with information. And then there’s Lando. In Return of the Jedi, Han foretells the destruction of the Millenium Falcon (piloted by Lando against the second Death Star) but once again fate intervenes and the MF survives. Let’s darken it up. Lando and the Falcon get caught in the big explosion, and Han sees his ship plummet to Endor’s surface in ruin. And Luke. Poor Luke. In J Edward’s What if…? version, he dies with his father in the Death Star. Much like I needed Frodo to perish in tragic fashion with the One Ring, Luke needs to make the ultimate sacrifice. Leia gets to be the last Jedi hopeful…ever.

 Blasphemous enough for you? 

Join me next week when I reimagine Harry Potter’s Voldemort as an agent of Cthulu. No, I’m not serious. Or am I…?

J Edward Neill

Author of the Tyrants of the Dead dark fantasy trilogy

Author of The Sleepers and Old Man of Tessera

Down the Dark Path