The Good Place – A Review

A little show premiered last Fall, and I have to admit the only reason it initially showed up on my radar at all was because of Kristen Bell’s casting. Since my house is a decidedly Pro-Kristen Bell place, there was no debate – it was simply added to the DVR. Then we waited until it magically appeared one night and watched what unfolded.

For those that didn’t see it or can’t remember what it might have been about… I’ll help to fill you in. Mrs. Bell plays Eleanor. Eleanor is having one of those good news/bad news type of days.

The bad news is that she’s dead.

The good news is that she ended up in the Good Place (Heaven, Nirvana, Paradise, etc.).

So while things are a bit confusing, she comes to find out that The Good Place is a place where not only is everything you might have ever wanted right at your fingertips (seriously, check out the flavors of yogurt they have access to!), but you also get paired off with your legitimate soulmate.

However, the twist is that a mistake has been made – Eleanor is not the Eleanor they think she is. No, somewhere in the universal mainframe she got swapped into the spot. So now she has to figure out how to keep up the ruse that she actually is a good person so she can stay.

Because if they find out… the Bad Place awaits (and no one wants to go there).

Luckily for her, her soulmate, Chidi, is an ethics professor. Which means that he is her voice of reason when so many times she just wants to dwell in those less than admirable qualities.

Sadly for Eleanor, being good is a lot of work (and lots of reading homework).

Ted Danson plays Michael, the “architect” of the little community they’re set up in. He is great as the part angel, part community organizer, and part naive grandpa, stumbling along to help foster those people who need it the most. Yet, this is his first opportunity to create a community and for some reason things are going sideways. Sinkholes open and trash falls from the sky for seemingly no reason. We all know this is because of Eleanor’s presence. She’s “ruining” a good thing.

Somewhat simple enough premise which allows for a myriad of little stories to be told about the trials and tribulations of fighting against your own nature. I say simple, but that’s not entirely fair. With such concepts as Heaven and Hell being tossed around, the show does an excellent job with its core tenet:

Can a person really change who they are? Fundamentally do people ever change in any lasting way? And if you change for selfish reasons, do your acts mean anything in the grand scheme of things or not?

Somewhat strange for a TV show to even pose such thoughts. Most of the time shows survive based solely on their illusion of change when no real change for the characters ever really stick. Heck, something like Seinfeld was exactly that in a nutshell. Those were people who were as despicable in the last episode as they were in the first episode.

Superhero comics have this same problem. How do you write about a character for over 50, 60, 70, or even 80 years without them changing in some ways? And if you do have any big changes – will your audience accept them?

The Good Place obviously builds its central conflict around this, and as we learn more about Eleanor, the less likable her life really was. Selfish, mean-spirited, focused on herself to the detriment of anyone else. The viewer is put in a position where we want her to succeed, but in that success we are going to find ourselves without a TV program to enjoy down the line.

It’s a fun show and does well with the ideas presented on a weekly basis, ending on cliffhangers which makes it feel more like a drama than comedy. And had it not been for the big twist at the end, it would have been a show Courtney and I would have continued to watch probably without mentioning it to other people.

The end of the season changed that.

SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

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Seriously, if you are going to watch the show… don’t read anymore. If you need a little more convincing, however…:

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THE GOOD PLACE — “Everything Is Fine” Episode 101– Pictured: Kristen Bell as Eleanor — (Photo by: Justin Lubin/NBC)

As things begin to spin more and more out of control, Eleanor reveals that she is not supposed to be there to Michael. And when it is decided that a pair of our main characters will be forced to go to the Bad Place in order for Order to prevail… an argument ensues. It is then Eleanor has an epiphany:

They aren’t in the Good Place… they are in The Bad Place.

Mind… Blown.

Like I said above, the ending changed the whole show for me. It shook up everything we knew. And it made it so that the second season will be very different. If they were never in the Good Place… will there be any reason to truly be good?

I don’t know, but I’m looking forward to the answer.

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John McGuire

John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.

His second novel, Hollow Empire, is now complete. The first episode is now FREE!

He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!

And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!

He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.

Three Comic Book Kickstarters You Need To Back – Section Zero, Route 3, and Grond #3

There is no Section Zero… or UFOs, or monsters, or time travelers. None. Um, rest assured…
Sean Anderson is a threat to the United States government. Or America’s only hope. Or both.
The assassination of the half-orc Grond could prevent an orc civil war. Or trigger the downfall of the Urughukai.

These three comic book Kickstarters – Section Zero, Route 3, and Grond #3 – offer some of the best in independent comics. Each one is worth checking out. Lets count’em down!

 

Section Zero

 

3) Section Zero by Karl Kesel and Tom Grummett
Ends on .

“MONSTERS! LOST WORLDS! UFOs! The strange and unknown! Karl Kesel and Tom Grummett finally finish the comic they began 17 years ago!

THERE IS NO SECTION ZERO

SECTION ZERO isn’t a secret section of the United Nation’s charter. It does not perpetually fund a team of experts and explorers to travel the world investigating the strange, fantastic, and unknown. The idea that this “team” looks into things such as UFOs, Monsters, Lost Civilizations, Time Travel, Ancient Gods and still-living Dinosaurs is no more than an urban legend. 

After all, none of these things exist.

SECTION ZERO is a fast-moving adventure comic combining the kinetic energy of Jack Kirby with the world of myth, folklore and urban legends. There’s danger around every corner as Our Heroes challenge the unknown and face the fantastic for yet another time. It’s also a story about love— what we’ll do for it, and how far we’ll go to get it back. But with added monsters!

SECTION ZERO was co-created by us— Karl Kesel and Tom Grummett— in 2000 following our successful, fun-fulled runs on DC’s Superboy. It was part of the Gorilla Comics imprint from Image Comics, which also included Busiek and Immonen’s Shockrockets, Waid and Kitson’sEmpire, Perez’s Crimson Plague, and Dezago and Wieringo’s Tellos. It was heady company and exciting times, and we poured our hearts and souls into the project.

But after finishing only three issues, personal matters meant Karl had to step away from the comic, and the book’s tag-line— There Is No Section Zero— became ominously prophetic. But we never fully abandoned our labor of love, and have worked to find a way to bring the book back— somehow, someway— ever since.

Section Zero Trade Mock-Ups

17 years later…

Kickstarter will help us finally finish what we begun. But we can’t do it by ourselves. We need people to make the journey with us, to stand beside SECTION ZERO as we face the Greatest Unknown— crowdfunding! We need your help, and we need your support. In a way, our original tag-line is more true than ever because There Is No Section Zero… WITHOUT YOU.

Egg’s Thoughts:

I’m going to fanboy here – I have NEVER read a bad comic that Karl Kesel and Tom Grummett have done together. Not one. These creators are the comics equivalent of peanut butter and chocolate but with no chance of an allergic reaction! They could write and draw the telephone book and it’d be a page-turner!

It’s $35 shipped in the US to get a 200-page trade that will be worth reading and re-reading and make you open up your comic boxes to fish out their prior productions to re-read. I would have happily paid more and I’m ready to see this comic come into being!

Check out the Kickstarter here – Section Zero

 

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2) Route 3 by Robert Jeffrey II and Sean Damien Hill
Ends on .

Route 3 Page

“Centuries old prophecies. Shadowy government conspiracies. Super heroic action. Just a typical day for teenager Sean Anderson. Route 3.

Route 3 is a super-powered road trip from hell. A Stone Mountain, GA teen finds out he’s been granted with a set of spectacular abilities, that he knows nothing about. He’s now on the run from a wide array of folks in a sort of super powered arms race across the Southeastern United States. Explosions, gunfights, telekinetic feats of awesomeness, and a little personal growth are all thrown into the mix.”

Egg’s Thoughts:

This series is written by Tessera Guild member, Robert Jeffrey II. It’s an amazing story and high on my list to hold in my hot lil’ hands. But don’t take my word for it, check out John McGuire‘s write up of Route 3 here.

That disclosure out of the way, here’s my succinct thoughts. As a comic, Route 3 is as solid as the granite of Stone Mountain and as engaging as politics. As a Kickstarter from an independent comic book creator, Route 3 is kicking as much @$$ as MMA Fighter, Anderson “The Spider” Silva.

Check out the Kickstarter here – Route 3

 

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Grond 3

 

1) Grond #3 by Michael Phillips
Ends on .

“Grond is now Kallok. Obberoth is dead. Valara’s fate is decided by Ugreth. Oublar is close to getting what he desires, being Mok’Dar.

The story starts here….

Grond 3 Cover Pencils

It is dusk on the first day of Krul’suu’luna (The Second Blood Moon). Obberoth Mok’Dar and his two sons, Ugreth and Oublar are strategizing their first attack against the Urughukai’s most hated adversary, King Rolfgar Stonefist. Suu’luna (the blood moon) is the most favored time of year to attack according to the Urughukai history. They believe that the Great Galrog’s spirit, the Urughkan god of war, will join them on the fields of battle to claim victory against the grunnarian race. Meanwhile, the young Grond is training vigorously to prove to his fav’aak(father) that he is ready for battle. Grond will have one chance to earn the title of “Kallok”(warrior) and prove his equality to his clansman or die. Taurok, Juug’la (judge) of the Urughukai and Head Chief of the horde of Clan Bloodtusks is responsible for training and preparing Grond for battle. Par’ Oublar, Ugreth’s brov’aak (brother) has emancipated from clan Bloodtusk to began a new clan by the name of Clan Grotskull. Oublar has not forgiven his father for the decision to spare his brov’aak’s (brother) life for the treacherous betrayal to his father and his clansman for breaking the oath of Grum’vlak, the sacred mating tradition only between the Urughukai. Oublar will get his opportunity to enforce justice now that his father has summoned him and his army to join him against the Fists of the Mountain, the grunnar. Oublar will soon realize that his servitude to his father will be more rewarding to him than he expected. Back at the mountain, King Rolfgar, is fully aware of the fight that ways against him from the powerful Obberoth Mok’dar. He pledges victory once more against the orcan filth and looks forward to seeing Obberoth’s head mounted next to the head of Ukklok Mok’Dar, his father.”

Egg’s Thoughts:

Full-disclosure – I’m working on a comic book mini-series for Midcity Comics (publisher of Grond and the Draconis Project).

This is a fact – There are not enough comic books featuring half-orcs. Like, that’s the one point that we can all agree on as a species, half-orcs need more representation in comics, books, movies, music, video games, and plays! With the exception of tabletop RPGs, their stories are few and far between. To bridge that gap, Grond the comic lives in orc culture using their language and customs to tell of a political power struggle. For the uniqueness of the subject matter of this series alone, help support the half-orc cause, check out Grond!

But let me give you the simplified pitch – “Grond is the tale of a half-orc fighting his pure-blood orc family!”

Either that statement moved you and you’re already looking for the link to the Grond Kickstarter or you were hoping for half-orc/orc love and you’d be better off reading the words of Jeremy Neill. No, none of that half-orc love in Grond, this series is all half-orc fighting orcs in all of its gory glory! Well worth checking out!

Check out the Kickstarter here – Grond #3

 

 

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Egg Embry, Wanna-lancer™

Wanna-lancer™ Checklist T-shirt available at Cafepress

Interested in being a wanna-lancer? Start with the official Wanna-lancer Checklist t-shirt or wall clock or ice tea glass!

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Egg Embry wrote comic book short stories, edited comic book series, wrote and drew a webcomic, and contributed to comic book journalism across the 2000s. Now, he buys the opportunity to write for a variety of tabletop role-playing games in the tradition of vanity press. His purchases have been published by:

Sculpting with Darkness – Turning Paper into Shadow

Every artist finds inspiration in different ways.

Some dream it. Others pry beauty from otherwise ordinary things. Still others wander the world in eternal search of it.

As for me, inspiration recently walked right up and slapped me in the face. Quite by accident, I collided with an artist whose style and creative medium is so different than my own. Her art tore me out of my miniature creative rut, lighting a new fire beneath me.

Now…

I could go on and on about how and why we decided to smash our styles together. Why we believed mixing her paper sculptures and my deep, dark color would work.

But instead I’ll just show you…

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Our first collaboration was…naturally…a demon inspired by my kid…

The Demon

It went like this: my six-year old described a monster he wanted on his wall. I listened closely and sketched a rough draft. And then T. Morrison (the aforementioned amazing artist) poured herself a big bowl of water and lightweight spackle (and another bowl of Cream of Wheat for sustenance) and hand sculpted our deadly demon friend.

When she finished a few days later, we turned the demon over to my kid, who slathered it up with blacks, reds, golds, and whites.

Meaning this piece was created by three artists, not just two.

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Then T. Morrison decided to get serious.

Her next piece (which I’m calling Black Masque; she never names her art) is about as creepy and cool as it gets. Once again her mediums were lightweight spackle, wet paper (for the shawl) and acrylic paints.

Black Masque

I had no idea what to expect when I turned over this oval-shaped canvas to m’lady Morrison. But she delivered…and she even let me paint a few skeletal shadows in the background.

I love it. What do you think?

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Soon enough, it was time for T. and I to engage in a true collaboration. No kids, no messing around.

On a 20″ x 20″ canvas, I sketched out a twisted tree. (It’s kind of my thing.) Afterward, Miss Morrison whipped up a BIG batch of sculpt-alicious spackle and turned my simple tree into a spooky three-dimensional monstrosity.

Here’s the progression:

1. Apply lightweight spackle atop my sketch.

2. Turn the piece over to me for background painting.

3. Sip vodka and pineapple juice while I pour on more colors.

And thus was born a piece we call ‘Haunted.’ It’s super vibrant. We liked the end result so much, we decided to sell prints here.

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Next up, T. Morrison decided to put her patience to the test.

Lovingly (she uses the term loosely) T. sculpted three airships atop a blank canvas. The ships took hours to sculpt, requiring utmost care to carve out every little detail. Then…she decided to paint each one. Tiny brushes…tiny blobs of paint…and not-so-tiny sips of vodka.

I thought she might give up, and yet she persevered.

As for the background city, she insisted I paint it. Every cloud, building, and razor-sharp bridge component…mine all mine.

Storm City

Storm City took us about a week.

Well worth the effort, we think.

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Now then, here’s one that’s all T. Morrison. Other than a few color (or lack thereof) suggestions, I didn’t touch it.

And perhaps this piece is better for it:

Frozen Shade

Look at the folds in her cloak. Savor the deathly whites and deadly blacks.

Frozen Shade is my personal favorite piece of all the works T. Morrison has created.

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As of the moment I pen this article, we’re working on several new sculpture/painting collaborations.

But perhaps none so dark as this one:

Ocular

Ocular – a nice angle to see the 3D sculpture

Ocular – part skull, part tentacle, all scary. Sculpture by T. Paint by me.


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For our final pieces, I’ll just leave them here. I did the backgrounds. T did the rest. Boom.

 

The horned girl is Infinity Queen. She’s available here. The angelic girl is Spirit of Regret. She’s available here.

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We’ve got several more pieces lined up.

Including a spooky green-lit tree, a girl in a shawl, and more.

Visit us again right here at Tessera Guild to see what we’ve cooked up.

J Edward Neill

Obsessive Artist

Author of Shadows

A Thought for Every Thursday – We Didn’t Ask to be Here

This week’s A Thought for Every Thursday question continues along our recent path of asking serious questions.

We’ll come back to the easy stuff eventually.

…maybe.

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This particular question is a favorite of mine.

More than most Thought for Every Thursday questions, I really, really want your answer.

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We Didn’t Ask to be Here

 Since we are, none of us, responsible for our own presence in this world, meaning that none of us created ourselves or willed ourselves into existence, does that reduce any of our personal responsibility in this life?

In other words, every human alive was given life without his or her consent. We didn’t ask for this particular existence, and in fact, if given a choice, many humans might have chosen a different existence altogether.

Does not having chosen this life allow for a certain moral flexibility?

Or…

Must we accept a moral responsibility whether or not we asked for it?

And if so, why?

 

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Past Thought for Every Thursday entries are right here.

If you like these kinds of questions, try these on for size.

If you prefer something gentler, go here.

Until next week…

J Edward Neill

Kickstart the Comic – Route 3: Vol 1

Full disclosure – I might have some interest in Route 3’s Kickstarter succeeding. Robert Jeffrey is not only a collaborator on this very site, but is a writing partner and good friend. I have watched him grow into his own as a writer over the years, and I have see how much sweat and blood he’s put into Route 3. This isn’t just a comic for him. This is a story he’s been dying to tell for some time.

With this Kickstarter, he’s going to get his chance.

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Route 3: Vol 1

From Terminus Media

Robert Jeffrey II – Writer

Sean Damien Hill – Artist

Omi Remalante Jr – Colorist

Ann Siri O’Brien – Colorist

Kickstarter campaign ends on Sunday, June 18, 2017 at 3:50 EDT.

 

The Pitch:

We are raising funds primarily to get the completed collected edition, Route 3 Vol. 1, printed.

Let me repeat this:

THE BOOK IS FINISHED. COMPLETE. IN THE CAN.

The Story:

Route 3 is a super-powered road trip from hell. A Stone Mountain, GA teens finds out he’s been granted with a set of spectacular abilities, that he knows nothing about. He’s now on the run from a wide array of folks in a sort of super powered arms race across the Southeastern United States. Explosions, gunfights, telekinetic feats of awesomeness, and a little personal growth are all thrown into the mix.

An explosive scene of action from Route 3 #3. Pencils/ inks Sean Damien Hill. Colors, Omi Remalante

John’s Thoughts:

If you look at the top of this page you’ll see Robert’s name alongside my own. If you look on the Terminus Media Facebook page you’ll no doubt see our fingerprints all over the place. I’ve known Robert now for over a decade. This project, this book, has been one he has clawed and scrapped and promoted and talked about and… this list goes on and on. This book is a piece of him. When the last issue was completed, there was a joy there that can’t quite be fully explained. It’s like finally crossing a finish line after years of hard work.

However, the path of the indy comic creator is full of pot holes. Money runs out, print runs don’t happen, and you’re constantly torn between this odd thing of people devaluing your work (“It costs how much!?!”). This Kickstarter will help push the comic to a place where it can start funding itself… hopefully into an issue 4 and 5 and 6 and…

The Rewards:

The Kickstarter is for the first trade of the series which collects issues 1 through 3. There are the options to get either a pdf or the print version sent to you. At the $40 level a couple of digital prints become available. At the $75 level there is a limited opportunity to not only get Route 3, but you can also get a physical copy of Radio Free Amerika’s trade (which Robert co-wrote) (at the time of this writing there were only 7 of these left available).

If being drawn as one of the mercenaries is more your style, there is an opportunity to do just that at the $300 level.

The Verdict:

What’s that saying? The biggest no-brainer in the history of the world? Yep, that’s what this is. Not only is it Robert, so I’m supporting it, but I’m wondering if I can get him to throw in a special print or something… 🙂

Seriously though – so many comic book Kickstarters are looking for funds to even come into being. That is a different kind of crapshot as you can never be 100% sure the book is going to be completed. This is a FINISHED trade. All this money is going to print costs just so that he can get this out there and into the hands of the people.

Plus, he’s tired of the question – How can I buy the trade?

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For more information on Route 3 or the rest of Terminus Media’s comics, check out their Facebook here.

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John McGuire

John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.

His second novel, Hollow Empire, is now complete. The first episode is now FREE!

He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!

And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!

He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.

Kickstart the Game – Heroes of the Great War: Limanowa 1914

Since the start of writing words on the Tessera Guild, I’ve focused my column on tabletop RPG Kickstarters with a vanity press reward level. It’s helped me to build a RPG resume, write amazingly fun content, participate in contributing content for a Kickstarted project, obtain freelance work, get to co-write a comic book one-shot as well as a mini-series, and, best of all, get to talk to new folks across the world about gaming of all types. Being a wanna-lancer has been a win for me and will continue to be as I write articles about my experiment.

However, this week, I’m kicking off another series – Kickstart the Game (thanks for the title, John). This series will focus on gaming Kickstarters that look like they’re worth every penny and then some but do not offer any vanity press options. Instead, they make up for it awesomeness.

To kick this series off, I took a suggestion to look at a WWI board game…

Heroes of the Great War: Limanowa 1914 by Gladiator Games
Kickstarter campaign ends on Friday, June 2 2017 6:00 AM EDT

Heroes of the Great War Limanowa 1914

“Command genuine Great War units, cooperate with your allies and rewrite history in this tactical-scale war board game for 1-4 players.

Heroes of the Great War: Limanowa 1914 is a tactical board game set in the Eastern Front of World War I, focusing on the events near Krakow and the region of Galicia in December 1914. This territory was under heavy attack by the Tsarist Russian Empire, which tried to break through the ever thinner lines of the Austro-Hungarian armies. Over two-thirds of the well-equipped Russian forces were pushed against this front, winning victory after victory, occupying city after city, gaining the infamous name, the Russian Steamroller. In November 1914 the Austro-Hungarian High Command planned a desperate counterattack, by taking advantage of what seemed to be an error in the Russian maneuvers.

Heroes of the Great War Limanowa 1914 – Example Miniatures

Players can choose to assume the command of both fighting sides, either leading the VIIth or VIIIth Russian Corps to victory or facing the enemy with either the Hadfy Group or Szurmay Group. With the help of their combat units, each represented by highly detailed 28mm miniatures, players lead skirmishes, plan maneuvers over various terrains, set traps using secret battlecards and lay sieges to fortified towns. The units are based on real life Great War-era military units, mimicking their functionality and looks as much as possible. Except of some smaller scenarios, the armies are accompanied by one or more Generals, each based on battle hardened men of their own time, coming with combat abilities special to them.

Heroes of the Great War Limanowa 1914 – Map

The Hussar Colonel Box is our all-in-one offer: it includes the base game, all miniatures and stretch goals, and a Kickstarter Exclusive, metallic Acting Player badge – a total value of £90 for the price of £70. This box is only available during the Kickstarter campaign, and won’t be released in retail – this is your only chance to get one!”

Egg’s Thoughts:

Irma Dalakanitzkova pointed out this board game and Kickstarter in the comments of another article I did here on the Guild. I wanted to launch a side column that focuses on non-vanity press Kickstarters and this board game felt like an excellent start.

Heroes of the Great War: Limanowa 1914 follows a key, but underreported, World War I battle that could have hastened the outcome of the entire conflict. Like so much of WWI, the battle had the potential to change the world but, instead, of knocking the Central Powers out of the war before 1918, it led to more slaughter, no immediate victory, and stagnation.

As a subject, WWI is the study of carnage and mismanagement of such epic proportions it is morbidly fascinating. Setting a strategy game of this quality (and apparent cost) among a war famous for its trench warfare and general lack of strategic execution is bolder than Lawrence’s attempts to ignite an Arab revolt against the Ottoman Empire. By having Heroes of the Great War focus on a campaign from the Eastern Front, the creators have the opportunity to show a different view of the war with both sides moving and operating at a reasonably effective and lethal ability when engaging each other. The game offers a number of gaming options (versus, solo, cooperative) in a product as professional looking as the British Expeditionary Force at the start of the Great War.

Heroes of the Great War – Example Figures

If you’re curious about how the game will be presented and play, there are a number of video examples of what you’ll receive and how it’ll work on your tabletop. The miniatures and map look crisp and offer a view of the level of quality they’re striving for. This game has the potential to remake the perception of WWI as *just* a trench war and shed light on the other major front and the strategy utilized there.

If you’re looking for a board game that allows you to re-create history, check out the Kickstarter for Heroes of the Great War: Limanowa 1914 by Gladiator Games.

 

 

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Egg Embry, Wanna-lancer™

Wanna-lancer™ Checklist T-shirt available at Cafepress

Interested in being a wanna-lancer? Start with the official Wanna-lancer Checklist t-shirt or wall clock or ice tea glass!

* * *

Egg Embry wrote comic book short stories, edited comic book series, wrote and drew a webcomic, and contributed to comic book journalism across the 2000s. Now, he buys the opportunity to write for a variety of tabletop role-playing games in the tradition of vanity press. His purchases have been published by:

The Weirdest Google Searches Leading to our Website

A while back, we made a list of all the pornographic search terms people typed into Google that somehow led them to our website.

We were bewildered and amused, because…well…Tessera Guild doesn’t really have anything to do with porn. We’re all about art, books, gaming, comics, and entertainment. We figure the other 98% of the web has butts and boobs covered.

And yet there we were, getting searched up every single day with terms like ‘Sex Yessera’ and ‘How the evil sex died.’

It’s been about a year since we gathered our big porno search-term list.

And so…

As an anniversary gift to you…

Here’s the latest list of bizarre search terms leading people to us, including porno and just straight-up strange terms:

 

The Weirdest Google Search Terms Leading People to our Website

(This list is verbatim. No changes made to any of the search terms.)

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The importance of being humble but to walk softly and carry a big stick (aka: the longest Google search ever)

Kmart sex xxx dot com

www.xxxnxxx porn star k.mart (Seriously, what is with the Kmart sex?)

Michelangelo sarcasm

My friends make me their sissy on camping trip

Turducken

Badness of white bread to skin

How to build a 12 inch tall popsicle stick bridge

Zoo xxxxy god

Old basic pronstar

Everybody hates chris poster (Who’s chris and why do people hate him?)

Silhouette chairs theater mystery

Zelda is sick wallpaper

Sexygirl x.x.x9 (What’s the 9 for??)

Deadpool sitting on a bridge

Deadpool laying sideways

Losing? (What are you trying to say?)

Peter Pan Gay Sex

Spiderman having sex

Spider man the black cat costumes bed blacker (A cosplay thing?)

The werewolf costume changed toward the end of the seaon eric cord

How do you write a sex scene when you a still a virgin (Poor kid…)

Orlando shooting redneck dark humor

Skull sex

Upset by wallpaper (You need therapy, friend.)

Halloween tree hugger monster

Pornhub reveals how many people couldn’t resist themselves

Michael sucks (Sucks what, exactly?)

Straight outta compton Tijuana

What does it mean when you say you “respect someone else’s opinion”? (If you have to ask…)

Jason momoas beard

Powerful nsfw portraits reveal what real people look like without their clothes on (Pretty sure we didn’t write that article.)

How to prepare frydais?

I’m awful at relationships (It’s true!)

Dark hermit the frog memes

Sexy thighs smoke halloween

Some peoples cleaning the city and sweeping in paths sketch images

Tyler james Williams butt

xxx smoll girl sexvideo

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* * *

In the mood to laugh some more? Try this.

J Edward Neill

Author and Painter of Shadows

New Painting – Storm City

Typically…

I prefer to work alone. The quieter, the better. If I can hear a mouse squeak, a human sigh, or a sound other than the wind at night, sometimes it’s too much for my creative self.

But I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone. I worked with up and coming artist T. Morrison on a rare piece. And my efforts were rewarded.

She sculpted using lightweight spackle. I splashed with acrylics and watercolors.

And we created a piece we’re calling ‘Storm City.’

*

Storm City prints are available here.  The original is 16″ x 20″.  Reach me here for purchase inquiries.

If you liked this painting, you might also like these.

J Edward Neill

Painter of shadows

Author of darkness

 

 

 

A Thought for Every Thursday – Which ‘ism’ are you?

Welcome to A Thought for Every Thursday.

Every Thursday we’ll pose a question (or several) regarding a specific current event, a modern moral issue, or a philosophical conundrum. Instead of answering it ourselves, we look to you for the resolution.

 * * *

This week, we’re tossing romance to the side and moving on to deeper, darker topics.

That means no more romance. Or love. At least not for a while

It’s a relief, as I’m pretty much the least romantic person to ever live.

**

Today’s two questions are centered on individual (your) worldviews, and whether or not people can exist without them:

Part I

 

 From the following, choose which one(s) you associate with your personal philosophy of life:

Cynicism – The purpose of life is to live with virtue and in harmony with nature (not what you thought it meant, is it?)

Agnosticism – Humanity knows nothing beyond that which it can touch

Pragmatism – The most valuable things are tangible and practical

Hedonism – Life’s purpose is to pursue pleasure

Capitalism – Life’s purpose is accumulate wealth for the benefit of yourself and your family

Theocentrism – God is a central fact of our existence

Nihilism – Life is without objective meaning, purpose, or value

Existentialism – The universe is unknowable, yet humans still have individual purpose and responsibility

*

Part II

* 

Is it possible for a human being to live without believing anything?

Meaning this person would have:

No opinions

No claims to knowledge without hard physical evidence

No spirituality

No philosophy beyond the material world

No religion

If someone could pull this off, would it be admirable?

Or is this an impossible state of mind for a human to achieve?

Hmmmmmmm….

* * *

Past Thought for Every Thursday entries are right here.

If you like these kinds of questions, try these on for size.

If you prefer something gentler, go here.

See you next week!

J Edward Neill

20 Things I’ve Learned at Concerts

Thinking I’m 25 again last week, my wife and I went to see concerts on back to back nights. A Perfect Circle and Soundgarden. Very different vibes at both shows (obviously), but I realized that over the years no matter what band it was I saw there were a number of “truths” I’ve experienced again and again.

1 – The “I Pre-Gamed Way Too Hard” Category

You should do what inspires you by singing (shouting along), swaying in place, jumping in the pit, or even dancing like no one is looking. It’s one thing to “Feel the Flow”, and it’s another to “flow” right into your neighbors. Especially if they are not currently anywhere near a pit… and you’re just drunk or high or both.

 

2 – The Hazards Of Having Seats On The End Of The Row

Look, I get it. This is your first night out in forever. The kids are up your ass all the time, the boss is up your ass the rest of the time, and you just need a night out. So you and a couple of friends head to the show, grab a beer and settle in for-

Excuse me.

Right, gotta get a refill. I understand. Especially since you’re getting one for your buddies as well-

What’s that? You’re only getting one for you? And as soon as you get back and I’m back engrossed in this song, your buddy is going to tap me and try to get by.

OK… but that guy is going to come back with a beer for your other friend right? No? Just one for him? And you’re saying he’ll interrupt my favorite song, clearly seeing that I’m REALLY belting out the song, thus completely pulling me out of the moment?

Yeah, no worries.

Dick.

 

3 – The Guys Who Think They Are Literally Anywhere Else Other Than The Concert

You know who I’m talking about. These assholes are standing 5 feet away from you carrying on the deepest, truest conversation anyone has ever had before. They are totally engrossed in just being there for each other, no matter what is going on with the band.

Good of you to spend $70 each to do something you could have done at Waffle House.

 

4 – Everything Happening On My Phone Right Now Is Way More Interesting Than Live Music

Obviously this has only been an issue since the turn of the century or so. I mean, how in the world did old Grandpa ever get by without checking their Twitter/Facebook/Whatever feeds?

Again, Great use of your money. Next time you give me half, and we’ll go outside, and I’ll kick you in the balls, and we’ll call it a day.

OK?

5 – Oh, You Didn’t Know? I Am A Famous Director

You know what is awesome? When you see a show and then later own it. It allows you to truly relive the experience and listen to it over and over again.

You know what is NOT awesome? When you have your phone up in a way that I can’t see the show in front of me. All because you have to have a really poor quality video of the whole concert apparently.

 

6 -I Like To Swim, Into The Mosh

No matter what the band, if the music is heavy enough, and there is room to be had – it is very probable a Pit will be formed. With the appearance of that natural phenomenon comes another absolute:

There will always be some asshole who thinks the Mosh Pit is a way to try and hurt someone.

You know the guy. He’s the one who made sure to go out and buy steel toed boots “just because” and now he’s trying to destroy your kneecap.

The worst part is he probably isn’t even a fan of the band at all.

 

7 – Wait… Wait… Wait… What’s Happening!?!

No matter how far away you position yourself from where you THINK the Pit is going to form, you will be completely wrong. It is an unpredictable beast set to engulf you in its wake.

You have been warned.

 

8 – Sometimes Being Tall Sucks, This Is One Of Those Times

If you are tall you will be asked to help everyone up to start crowd surfing. Work out in the weeks leading up to the show otherwise you risk the chance of looking like a complete dick when the person can’t get two feet off the ground.

 

9 – Always Looking For An Opportunity

That said, if you are a woman and want to crowd surf then ask away. I don’t know of anyone who has refused to help a female “up”. However, you must steel yourself against the hundreds of sweaty hands which will grab you all over.

And I mean ALL OVER.

10 – Whelp, That’s It. Go On And Save Yourself!

When someone goes down in the Pit you’d think that’s the end for you. There are dozens of feet prepared to curb stomp you into oblivion, but that generally doesn’t happen. There is always 5+ people will immediately move to help you up.

Except for the asshole looking to hurt you – stay away from that guy.

 

11 – I Wish They’d Played Only Songs No One Knew

You know the person. They want to make sure you know the third song in the set was actually a B-side from their original pressing of the second album only available in Germany.

But you know a girl, so you’ve had it forever.

 

12 – Why Won’t They Just Let Us In? That’s The Rule! They Go, Then I Go, Then…

No matter how state of the art the venue is – getting out of the parking lot is still going to suck.

 

13 – Hey, I Know That You Didn’t Buy A Shirt Inside

Not saying you should give money to the bootleg t-shirt vendors… you want to support the band you came to see.

But I will say my Metallica shirt from 1994 might have been the best $10 I’ve ever spent.

 

14 – Philosophy According To The Band

Weed is the reason for sperm… according to Maynard James Keenan (Tool, A Perfect Circle, Pusifer).

Make of that what you will.

15 – Your Tiger Style Is No Match For My Miller Style!

There is clearly a martial art style waiting to get invented. It would be based strictly on being able to navigate a concert without spilling your beer. I mean, I’m not a drinker, and it’s damn impressive.

 

16 – My Pyrotechnics Never Burned Anyone!

Strobe lights are annoying most of the time.

Seriously. Less is more in their usage.

 

17 – Yes, That Is My Tent Set Up Over There. No, I Don’t Have Anything Better To Do.

Hey, look at you. You stood in line for hours beforehand all in the hopes of getting right up front when the doors open. And you did it!

Your punishment for standing right at the barrier is being crushed by the mass of people behind you.

Hope it was worth it!

18 – Dance Puppets! Dance!

I get it. You have played for the last hour or possibly hour and a half. You are parched. The drummer is about to pass out from exhaustion. The guitarist is destroying his fingers with every note he plays. The bassist has vibrated his body so he is in an alternate reality.

You clearly need a couple of minutes to compose yourself before you finish melting my face off with this concert.

Just don’t make us beg. Don’t make us clap like well trained seals for you to come back out. We want you to play more songs, otherwise we wouldn’t still be here.

Encores are weird.

 

19 – I Will Not Be Trapped With The Rest of You!

Who the hell are the people leaving the show early? Who are they? Why did they spend the money? Why did they come at all? What is going on anywhere else that should make you think:

Yeah, this was a pretty good show. But you know what would make it even better? Leaving before the band does!

I just don’t get it.

 

20 – Without Fail

There is always going to be some asshole who shouts out “Play some Skynyrd!” If you’re lucky, the band will oblige him for a few seconds.

But only for a few seconds.

 

***

John McGuire

John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.

His second novel, Hollow Empire, is now complete. The first episode is now FREE!

He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!

And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!

He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.

Three Gaming Kickstarters You Need To Back (by May 24th, 2017)

Ever want to role-play a western? Want to make your 5e fighters even more lethal? Got a board game idea and you just need the pieces to get it started? If that’s the case, Kickstarter has a game and two game aids that end by Wednesday May 24th that are begging for your attention! The countdown is on!

The White Box

 

3) The White Box: A Game Design Workshop-in-a-Box by Gameplaywright
Ends on Wednesday, May 17 2017 9:00 PM EDT.

Who wants to build a better board game? Or any board game? Need the components and some pointers from the professionals? The White Box is the product for you. Get the parts you need to build your game, a book of professional essays on the subject of game-making, and make it happen!

My write up of this product is here and the link to the Kickstarter campaign is here.

Fifth Edition Fighter Folio

 

2) Fifth Edition Fighter Folio & Condition Cards by Total Party Kill Games
Ends on Monday, May 22 2017 12:59 AM EDT.

Want to make your 5e fighter the best they can be? Want to use ideas from a company called Total Party Kill Games that strives to live up to their name? The Fifth Edition Fighter Folio & Condition Cards are for you! I am proud that I had the chance to contribute some ideas to this product and I can’t wait to read them in print!

My write up of the folio is here and the campaign is here.

 

1) Aces & Eights: Reloaded by Kenzer & Company
Ends on Wednesday, May 24 2017 12:00 AM EDT.

Want to role-play in an alternate history wild west? Want to “relive the glory days of the ‘West that never was’?” Aces & Eights: Reloaded is the second edition and 10th anniversary edition “of the world’s best selling, state-of-the-art, game-of-the-year wild west role playing game”. This isn’t just the game of western shootouts, this is the game of the 1800s with all professions open to you. This is the game could answer how the west was won.

For those looking to add a wanna-lancer, vanity press RPG credit to their resume, this campaign has several options to immortalize your NPC in a supplement or the main book. You can create an original Woman With No Name and have her live out countless stories across the wild west from the tabletops of gamers everywhere.

You can reach the Kickstarter campaign here.

Aces & Eights Reloaded

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Egg Embry, Wanna-lancer™

Wanna-lancer™ Checklist T-shirt available at Cafepress

Interested in being a wanna-lancer? Start with the official Wanna-lancer Checklist t-shirt or wall clock or ice tea glass!

* * *

Egg Embry wrote comic book short stories, edited comic book series, wrote and drew a webcomic, and contributed to comic book journalism across the 2000s. Now, he buys the opportunity to write for a variety of tabletop role-playing games in the tradition of vanity press. His purchases have been published by:

A Thought for Every Thursday – Love by the Numbers

Welcome to A Thought for Every Thursday.

Every Thursday we’ll pose a question (or several) regarding a specific current event, a modern moral issue, or a philosophical conundrum. Instead of answering it ourselves, we look to you for the resolution.

 * * *

This week, we’re concluding our discussion of romantic relationships.

That means no more romance. Or love. Or sex. At least not for a while. 🙂

*

The following three bulletins were pried from actual research performed in the realm of love and relationships.

After each research topic, we’ve added a simple question.

All you have to do is read…and answer.

*

Marriage is good for the heart

NYU Lagone Medical Center researchers surveyed more than 3.5 million people across 20,000 health care centers, similar to All On 4 Clinic Sydney, in the U.S. and nearby countries and found that married people, regardless of age, gender, or cardiovascular risk factors, have a significantly smaller likelihood of cardiovascular disease than those who were single, divorced, or widowed.

Question: If you were happily single, would the research depicted above be enough reason for you to seek a mate?

*

Healthy relationships, healthy minds

A nationwide population-based prospective study from Sweden examined the association between marital status and dementia. Those living alone were at a greater risk for early-onset and late-onset dementia. Swedish researchers also found that being married or cohabiting at midlife correlates to a lower risk for dementia and cognitive impairment.

Question: Assuming the above study is accurate, why do you feel it’s true that having a significant relationship delays or eliminates the changes for dementia?

*

Attitudes about couples

The National Health Statistics Reports describes attitudes based on surveys given to men and women, ages 15-44. In an eleven year timespan, there has been an increase in the percentages of men and women who agree with premarital cohabitation. There was a decrease in the percentages of people who agree with divorce. More men and women support same-sex relationships. Greater percentages of people also feel it’s acceptable for unmarried 18-year-olds to have sex if they have strong affection for each other.

Question: Do you believe it’s wise for couples to live together before committing to marriage? Or do you believe it’s morally wrong and should be avoided?

**

*

* * *

Past A Thought for Every Thursday entries are right here.

If you like these kinds of questions, try these on for size.

If you prefer something gentler, go here.

See you next Thursday!

J Edward Neill

A Tale of Two Concerts

So there are two big concert experiences (with regards to song choices):

One is play only your hits. Maybe you sprinkle in some of the old stuff, the deep tracks, but you’re playing the big songs and the newest songs from your latest album in order to support it.

The other option is when maybe this is a tour where you don’t have a new album to support. Maybe you don’t have to be beholden to a strict set list. Or perhaps you are working on a new album, but nowhere near close enough on most of the songs.

This is a case where the catalog really opens up and you can truly reach back and plat those songs older fans haven’t heard in a long time and newer fans have never heard in concert.

Last week I got a taste of both…

An aside – With Pearl Jam being my favorite band, the idea of a unique set list is not strange. In fact, with their shows I’m normally the asshole who wants to hear some random track 10 from one of the lesser known albums. I want the deep cuts more prominently than the more casual fan is not going to have heard or understand.

Night One: A Perfect Circle

This is a band situated firmly in my top 5 bands, but it’s been 13 years since I’ve been to see A Perfect Circle. Life, tour dates, and them not really existing for a good portion of a decade were all contributing factors. That time they were indoors, with people hanging from the ceiling, and other oddities that are somewhat commonplace when you’re dealing with a Maynard related band.

This time around they were at the Verizon Amphitheater in Alpharetta, Georgia, where after having been to only two shows, is fast becoming a household favorite. Great sound, relatively easy to get into the venue (getting out is a little more sketchy, but so is just about every other venue I’ve ever been to), and there is just something about an outdoor show as the sun goes down.

We arrived in time to hear one song from the opening band… which I didn’t catch the name of. I normally don’t mind trying to get in a little early just to catch those bands. So many shows over the years have introduced me to some solid music.

Our seats were about 7 rows behind the general admission orchestra area (which was probably about 10 rows deep if full). Around us were a handful of empty seats… probably another symptom of not putting out music in so long. Strangely, we were told repetitively that the band did not want any pictures taken. In 2004, that might have been something you could control with cameras not installed in every phone (maybe? I honestly can’t remember), but in 2017 you can’t really put that genie back in the bottle. Still, ushers did stop a few people, and I’ve read about others being asked to leave.

We’re rule followers, so no worries there.

The show itself was amazing. APC is one of those bands where I don’t have tracks I skip. As to their set list, I use my wife as the go-by, and she commented after the show she was surprised by how many songs she recognized. Overall, they played their hits, a couple of covers (John Lennon’s Imagine making an appearance – an always welcomed addition), and even sprinkled in a pair of new songs.

The only odd thing about the new songs was the placement of one of them to close out the show. Normally I’d think you’d want something to bring down the house – a song everyone knows and has been waiting for. Instead, we get a song that maybe a handful know and the rest just get to experience. Just an odd choice.

Though, I do think once I get to hear it enough, I have no doubt it will be a quality track to use in that capacity. It certainly had that feel.

Night Two: Soundgarden

Lollapalooza 1996 is the last time I’ve seen Soundgarden. Again, helped by the dissolution of the band for over a decade, I missed the tour they did with King Animal back in 2012/2013. And I might have missed this one had it not been for the venue.

The Fox Theater brings an assortment of memories for me beginning with seeing Top Gun there with my parents and being astounded by the audience interaction with the film. Catcalls during any of the numerous guys with their shirts off scenes, cheers whenever Tom Cruise did anything great, and more clapping when the movie ended. The Theater is topped off by seeing Pearl Jam back in 1994, which I’ve talked about here.

Yet, I’ve only seen one other band at The Fox and it happens to be Soundgarden over 20 years ago. Now here was a chance to see them again in the same venue… a no brainer.

We actually arrived early enough to see The Pretty Reckless open. Given XM Radio and the Octane channel, I recognized a couple of songs. Courtney mentioned actually wanting to download some of their stuff. I’ll be interested to see how the album fills out past the release songs.

As to Soundgarden, you couldn’t ask for a more different pair of shows. Where APC’s light effects were more colors and mood based, Soundgarden is a rock band with their influences spanning from arena rock bands to DIY punk rockers – so the lights were an assault at various times throughout the show. But the biggest difference was the song choice.

Apparently, their 1st full album was rereleased in the last couple of months. It makes for a perfect excuse to dust off those old school songs. And I gotta think if you are a fan from waaaay back in the day, your song bucket list managed to get a lot shorter as they opened with 3 straight songs from that era. Which is great… except I don’t own that record. I start with Badmotorfinger and continue from there.

Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed the hell out of the show. They pretty much hit upon everything I’d have expected them to play, but it was a little unexpected.

Though there is nothing like hearing Fell on Black Days live. It’s my favorite song of theirs no matter what form it takes.

***

Two bands. Over 4 hours of live music. Great venues.

Extremely tired come Thursday morning.

Worth it.

***

John McGuire

John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.

His second novel, Hollow Empire, is now complete. The first episode is now FREE!

He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!

And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!

He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.

Vanity Press: What Kickstarter RPG Rewards Are Available? – The White Box: A Game Design Workshop-in-a-Box

Do you want to create a board game? Have an idea but need the board and pieces to test it out? Looking for design ideas from professionals? This may be the option you didn’t even realize you needed.

The White Box: A Game Design Workshop-in-a-Box by Gameplaywright

“From savvy advice to myriad bits, The White Box has everything you need to start creating the game in your head.

Almost everyone who’s ever played a game has had an idea for how to make it better. To tweak it, improve it, or even build something new from its miniatures, cards, cubes, and concepts.

At Gameplaywright and Atlas Games, we think making games is awesome. We believe it’s one of the most challenging, fun, rewarding things you can do. If you’ve ever thought about making a game of your own, we want to help.

We made The White Box for you.

The White Box is a learning, planning, and prototyping tool for tabletop game designers.

It contains a book of 18 essays on game design and production, covering subjects like where to find a great concept, how to use randomness, what to ask playtesters, and whether it’s wise to self-publish.

It includes an abundance of components to get you started right away, from cubes and meeples to dice, discs, and chits.

Maybe you have a golden idea inside you burning to come out. Maybe you want to tell a story or explore a problem. Do you dream of seeing your name on a box at your local game store? Or perhaps you see game design as a path to fame, fortune, and a satisfying career.

The White Box is for aspiring professionals, creative young people, and literally anyone who’s ever wanted to build their own game without having to plunder their game library for bits.

If you believe creating games is awesome, The White Box is for you.

 

* * *

 

The White Box

Egg’s Thoughts:

Let’s step away from my usual topic – vanity press tabletop RPGs and resume building – and look at a board game. Not a playable board game, but one you’ll create. If you want to construct your own board game, this is going to simplify the process by giving you all of the building blocks.

The White Box offers all the parts you’ll need to design your own game. No need to cut out pieces to play with or get poster board game maps that cannot be folded up or spend time addressing the components needed to play instead of, you know, playtesting your idea. With the White Box, you have the pieces needed to go right into rolling dice for your ideas, all in one box. Add to that, a book loaded with design philosophy and you’re ready to hit the ground running.

Like the Kickstarter says, “[y]ou have a golden game inside of you” and I agree. I have one that’s been in my head for about a year and the White Box will help to bring it into the physical world. For the price – $38 shipped in the US – you can take a chance and design that game that’s been waiting to leap out of your head.

 

* * *

 

Fifth Edition Fighter Folio by TPK Games

 

Let me shift the focus from board games back to my usual love, RPGs. In this case, the Kickstarter for TPK Games’ Fifth Edition Fighter Folio & Condition Cards. Through my wanna-lancing, I contributed some fighter subclass ideas for this project and I can’t wait to read the finalized versions. Last week, I did a write up of my involvement here. Take a moment to check out their Kickstarter. This is going to add flavor and challenge enough to your gaming table to live up to the company’s name – Total Party Kill.

 

* * *

 

 

Egg Embry, Wanna-lancer™

Wanna-lancer™ Checklist T-shirt available at Cafepress

Interested in being a wanna-lancer? Start with the official Wanna-lancer Checklist t-shirt or wall clock or ice tea glass!

* * *

Egg Embry wrote comic book short stories, edited comic book series, wrote and drew a webcomic, and contributed to comic book journalism across the 2000s. Now, he buys the opportunity to write for a variety of tabletop role-playing games in the tradition of vanity press. His purchases have been published by:

Cover Art Reveal – Shadow of Forever

There once was a boy who took to the stars…

He sailed into the darkness…alone.

…and waged war against the horrors he found.

And now, he’s back.

***

Now available – the sequel to Darkness Between the Stars.

Shadow of Forever

Cover art by Amanda Makepeace

Shadow of Forever

Earth is no more.

Every human settlement in the galaxy has been destroyed.

…except one.

On a planet far from home, Joff Armstrong watches the stars and counts the years until the Eaters of the Light return. He knows it’s only a matter of time. He ended one of their worlds, but thousands more remain.

No one believes him.

No one understands the coming darkness.

And so, as humanity’s twilight nears, he will steal his way into the stars.

Alone.

One man against legions of star-killing undead.

Searching for a way to stop the darkness between the stars.

* * *

The complete novel is available here.

Book 1 – Darkness Between the Stars – is here.

Find more of Amanda Makepeace’s art right here.

J Edward Neill

A Thought for Every Thursday – The Singles Bar

Welcome to A Thought for Every Thursday.

Every Thursday we’ll pose a question (or several) regarding a specific current event, a modern moral issue, or a philosophical conundrum. Instead of answering it ourselves, we look to you for the resolution.

 * * *

For the next few weeks, we’re going to approach relationships.

Romance. Love. Sex. Yeah.

*


So…

Depending on whom you ask, being single is either the most amazing, liberating thing in the world.

…or not.

Let’s talk about some of the situations people endure as they search for love.

*

Singled Out

 You’re the lone single person at a gathering full of couples.

They’ve placed your love life, or lack thereof, on the table for hors d’oeuvres. They’re giving you advice, offering to set you up, and regurgitating your dating horror stories.

Are you feeling:

Mad? As in you’re the odd one out?

Thrilled? (Any attention is good attention.)

Amused? (Half of these couples are miserable together.)

Hopeful? (Maybe they can help you find love.)

Nothing? (You tuned them out an hour ago.)

*

Charted Waters

 List the following in order (most important to least important) in terms of importance to you when dating someone.

The other person’s job

Their looks

Their religion

How good they are at sex

Their political stance

How close they are with their family

Their circle of friends

Their favorite movies, TV shows, and sports teams

*

Artificial Intelligence

 Suppose you’re dating someone.

They’re good looking, funny, successful, and smart.

But…

On the third date, you find out they’ve browsed your social media profiles and used some of the information therein to help win you over.

Is this creepy?

Cute?

Would you consider dumping this person?

Nice looking bar. Too bad it’s 2,000 miles away.

*

* * *

Past A Thought for Every Thursday entries are right here.

If you like these kinds of questions, try these on for size.

If you prefer something gentler, go here.

See you next Thursday!

J Edward Neill

Kickstart the Comic – The Few and Cursed #3

I love Westerns, but I’m not always sure comics love them. Much like Hollywood where their heyday was long before I was born, now it is a trickle here or there. Again, it’s lucky that Kickstarter exists to allow some of these genres a little opportunity to shine.

Of course, this one might be more of a post-apocalyptic western…

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The Few and Cursed #3

From 321: Fast Comics

Felipe Cagno – Writer

Fabiano Neves – Artist

Dinei Ribeiro – Colorist

Kickstarter campaign ends on Friday, May 19, 2017 at 11:59 PM EDT.

 

The Pitch:

She has no name, no home, and no family, just a title: Curse Chaser. Water on the planet has been gone for seventy years and mankind has been reduced to a handful few perpetually living in hell.

And no hell is complete without its demons.

People will do anything to survive. When their lives, their children’s lives, when their world has no chance, that old and forgotten evil curse seems pretty reasonable, it’s just that much easier to strike a bargain with the Devil.

But not under her watch.

The Story:

The Few and Cursed is a post-apocalyptic western set in an alternate 1910 where monsters and the supernatural roam the wasteland that is now Earth. Going from town to town, crossing the oceans in horseback, the Redhead is the only variable possible of balancing the scale.

John’s Thoughts:

First, I have to be honest, the title grabbed me. Without knowing anything else, it caught my eye and made me click on the Kickstarter. From there, the setting and genre drew me in, and then the artwork finished the deal. On top of all of that I feel somewhat fortunate to have them already on issue 3 – it means that I’ll immediately have 2 issues to read once the campaign is over! And again, I have to note that it is amazing when you have the opportunity to do just that. Where missing that initial issue (or 2 in this case) isn’t the end for a potential reader.

One other thing about having those other two issues fund through Kickstarter… the 321: Fast Comics guys clearly know what they are doing. The first and second issues originally funded for about $16,000+ each. This one already reached their initial $6000 goal in the first 48 hours and looks like it will outpace those earlier campaigns.

What that really tells me is they not only provide a great product people have come back for each time.

Artwork by Fabiano Neves From The Cursed and Few #1

The Rewards:

Since you might have missed out on the first couple of issues, there is an assortment of both digital only and print + digital rewards to completely catch you up on the comic. As you move up the ladder, there is the opportunity to grab their anthology 321: Fast Comics Vol 1 & 2, a sketch book featuring Fabiano Neves’ art, or even a chase to get some of the variant prints they’ve done for all the issues.

For those with a little more money in their pocket, the $150 level offers an opportunity to get some original Redhead artwork.

The Verdict:

Given their track record with this series (and a couple of other ones as well), plus the interesting idea, and gorgeous artwork… this one is a no-brainer. And if you were on the fence at all, they provide you with an assortment of preview pages from issues #1 and #2 to help sway you completely.

I already locked in to get my digital copies of the first 3 issues!

Artwork by Fabiano Neves From The Cursed and Few #2

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For more information on The Few and Cursed or the rest of 321: Fast Comics, check out their Facebook Page here.

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John McGuire

John McGuire is the author of the supernatural thriller The Dark That Follows, the steampunk comic The Gilded Age, and the novella There’s Something About Mac through the Amazon Kindle Worlds program.

His second novel, Hollow Empire, is now complete. The first episode is now FREE!

He also has a short story in the Beyond the Gate anthology, which is free on most platforms!

And has two shorts in the Machina Obscurum – A Collection of Small Shadows anthology! Check it out!

He can also be found at www.johnrmcguire.com.

Vanity Press: What Kickstarter RPG Rewards Are Available? – Fifth Edition Fighter Folio & Condition Cards

One of the tabletop RPG Kickstarters that I backed and did a vanity press contribution to – Slaughter at Splinterfang Gorge by Total Party Kill Games – led to an opportunity to contribute ideas to their latest Kickstarter project, the Fifth Edition Fighter Folio. Want to amp up your 5e fighters? Read on.

Fifth Edition Fighter Folio by TPK Games

Fifth Edition Fighter Folio & Condition Cards by Total Party Kill Games

“We are making a Fighter’s Handbook character resource and Condition Cards compatible with 5E Dungeons & Dragons.

Fight for glory… fight for honor… but know HOW to fight!

Total Party Kill Games presents The Fighter Folio, a player and GM sourcebook compatible with the fifth edition (5E) of the Dungeons & Dragons tabletop roleplaying game. Also included is a gorgeous set of our 5E condition cards, giving you four of every condition, including the ones from TPK’s hugely popular Fifth Edition Options title.”

Preview of Fifth Edition Fighter Folio Pages 11 and 12

 

Egg’s Thoughts:

TPK Games 5e Products

Total Party Kill Games has a list of 5e products. The one I’m most familiar with is Slaughter at Splinterfang Gorge. This adventure was a hard slog that was well worth the price of admission. That is what TPK Games is known for, hard fights, no cakewalks.

I had the chance to contribute some magic items to Slaughter at Splinterfang Gorge. Those items led to an invitation to contribute sub-classes to the Fifth Edition Fighter Folio. I was honored to be allowed to contribute to both products. With their latest Kickstarter, I expect the Fifth Edition Fighters Folio to add a new level of challenge to 5e.

While I am biased (I had a lot of fun working on both projects), I recommend checking out Fifth Edition Fighter Folio & Condition Cards by Total Party Kill Games. I am ready to add the finished product to my gaming table.

 

 

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Egg Embry, Wanna-lancer™

Wanna-lancer™ Checklist T-shirt available at Cafepress

Interested in being a wanna-lancer? Start with the official Wanna-lancer Checklist t-shirt or wall clock or ice tea glass!

* * *

Egg Embry wrote comic book short stories, edited comic book series, wrote and drew a webcomic, and contributed to comic book journalism across the 2000s. Now, he buys the opportunity to write for a variety of tabletop role-playing games in the tradition of vanity press. His purchases have been published by:

Shadow of Forever – A preview

Ghosts

*

 “She’s getting what? To who?”

The rain thundered against my house’s glass walls. Rivers of water slid down the panes, blurring the greyest afternoon I’d ever seen. With her arms crossed, Callista floated above the table while wearing a too-big smile.

“You heard what I said.” She feigned a yawn. “Your sister’s getting married.”

I sucked in a deep breath and leaned back in my chair. I felt calmer at once. It wasn’t as if I’d spent much time with Aly in the last several years. Whom she married and why wasn’t any of my business.

“I guess I thought she’d never do it,” I said. “I mean…you know how Aly is. She’s a loner. She’s always working, always doing her science.”

Cal floated down and sat on the table’s edge. She looked absurdly beautiful, especially with the grey rain dimming the world beyond her.

“I don’t think it’s love.” She stretched out her legs. “Not that I really know what love is like. I got the impression, without cheating and reading her eyes, she’s marrying him for business’s sake.”

I retreated into thought.

I thought she’d marry the young man who used to bring her flowers. If anyone, it should’ve been him.

This can’t be for love.

After what happened to us, she doesn’t want children.

I guess it’s ok…

…if this is what she wants.

“They’re moving to Arcadia?” I asked Cal.

“Moving?” Cal shook her head. “Nope. They’ve already moved.”

“Am I invited?”

She smiled. “I am your invitation.”

I stood and walked to the window. I had to step over piles of clothes, eating containers, and a mound of soggy towels. I wasn’t much for cleaning up after myself. My only visitor ever was Cal.

And she doesn’t judge me.

“When?” I asked as I gazed into the rain.

“Seven weeks,” said Cal. “It’s going to be lavish, whatever that means.”

“It means I’ll have to shave,” I murmured.

“And maybe dress in something other than a twenty-year old tunic,” Cal added with a grin.

A gust of wind caught the rain beyond my window. The day was as dark as twilight, and the sheets of falling water moving as though alive. I lost myself for a moment. In the spaces between the rain, I imagined eyes. In a peal of thunder, I swore I heard voices.

“Maybe she’ll listen now.” My voice was almost a whisper.

“Listen? What do you mean?” Cal floated to the window.

“If she’s marrying him, she’ll be wife to the governor. She’ll have his ear when he makes policies. She’ll be…influential.”

“Joff, don’t—”

The thunder rolled, low and powerful. I touched the glass with my palm and imagined monstrous shapes moving in the rain. They weren’t there, not really.

And yet I see them.

“Don’t take it lightly,” I said. “If anyone can help make people believe, it’s Aly. She knows.”

“Everyone knows,” Cal argued. “It’s just—”

“They don’t understand,” I interrupted. “To them it’s just a story. It’s not real.”

Cal let out as long a sigh as a little blue nano-girl could. She knew exactly where my mind had wandered.

“The last time you tried to argue this with her, you two didn’t speak for a year,” she reminded me.

I know, I thought.

“And Aly, she’s the only person on this planet as stubborn as you,” Cal added.

I know that, too.

“So just how is it you’re going to change her mind? How, with nothing new to show her, will you convince her?”

I wish I knew.

“I have…information.” I pulled my mind out of the rain. “Two-thousand three-hundred thirteen more stars have gone missing since we talked. And it might be even more, but I’m only working with one orbital scope. No telling how many other stars they’ve destroyed.”

Lightning flared beyond the window. The rupture of cold white light burned shapes into my eyes. I caught myself shivering.

The Strigoi.

They’re out there.

They’re—

“Joff?” I heard Cal say my name. “Joff, are you listening?”

I blinked, and the shadows fled my mind. I was just Joff again, standing in my kitchen. The only light in the house came from Callista. There were no Strigoi, at least not out in the rain.

“Sorry.” I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

“As I was saying, it’s not just about Aly,” Cal continued; she must’ve been talking the entire time I’d stared into the rain. “You’re asking an entire planet to mobilize against something they’ve never seen. You want four-million people to leave their lives behind and go to war.”

“Their lives…” I mumbled. “You mean the ones they won’t have.”

Cal went silent. In part, it was because she knew I was right. The Strigoi, eaters of the light, were out there. We’d seen them butcher hundreds of people on the planet Ebes. We’d heard their voices echo in the void. And we’d killed them together, burning away one of their planets using the only thing that truly caused them pain.

Sunlight.

But Cal also went silent because she knew there was no point in arguing. We’d done the same dance several hundred times. I’d always tumble into a dark state of mind, and she always tried to pull me out.

By then, she knew better.

* * *

For the rest of Cal’s time at my house, I didn’t mention the Strigoi. I knew she hated it. All it ever accomplished was to put us both in foul moods.

So for her sake, I did my best to imagine a future without all the darkness. That afternoon, after I filled my belly with food, we took a walk in the rain. The worst of the storm had passed, and the warm drizzle felt as good as any shower. Even though I expected the wind and falling water to disrupt Cal’s nano-light, she fluttered through the storm with ease.

“How do you do it?” I asked her. We were tramping across a muddy field in the thick of the rain.

“I can survive in the vacuum of space.” She flitted between rain droplets as though dancing between swords. “I can turn myself into a stream of particles and travel down nearly any energized conduit. You think a little rain should bother me?”

“I just thought…well…” I stammered. “My dad used to say electricity and water were no friends of each other. And I found it out for myself one day. I used a powered wrench to fix a nut on a tractor’s coolant line. The line popped. So did the wrench.”

Cal laughed. She scattered herself into a few hundred-thousand nodes and then retook her perfect shape farther down the path. I’d seen her do it countless times before. It never ceased to amaze me.

“Now you’re just showing off,” I said. “You must be glad to have your old body back.”

“I am. But didn’t you just call me a wrench?” she laughed again.

“Yeah. I guess I did.”

Most nights, we’d have stopped walking at the green river. But that eve, just as the rain began to die, we crossed a narrow bridge and entered the fields beyond. I didn’t mind being soaked to my bones. It felt liberating, as if I’d washed away the morning’s darkness.

In the day’s last light, I looked across the fields. I saw the remnants of all the work I’d done to help the people who’d lived in the village near my home.

I saw the tops of the drain pipes we’d laid, exposed after years of heavy rain.

I glimpsed the lines we’d carved in the soil, the pattern of the farm that once had grown.

The crops were mostly gone, having long ago weeded over. It was the trouble with farming on Sumer. The rains were so heavy and the crops grew so quickly that within a decade all the nutrients were sapped out of the dirt. And without much animal life to provide natural fertilizer, most farms wore out their usefulness far swifter than they would’ve back on Earth.

“It gets old sometimes,” I said as Cal and I meandered along the riverbank.

“You mean being human?” she quipped.

“No. I mean thinking of everything like a farmer would. I can’t walk anywhere without thinking about soil densities, nitrogen levels, and drainage.”

“Uh oh.” Cal made a face. “Is this where you tell me another story about farm boy life? About tractors and griddlecakes.”

“No, I guess not,” I grumped.

“I’m only kidding.” She circled me and sat on my shoulder. “You can tell me any story. You know I like to hear them.”

“Nah. Not tonight.”

Together, we sat on the riverbank. The last of the rain died and the fog slithered away into the dark. I pulled off my boots and dipped my feet in the river. Back home, on an Earth that was no more, the water would’ve been frigid. But the little green river swirled around my ankles, warm and pleasant.

“You think Doctor Abid ever imagined us sitting here like this?” I kicked up a little plume of water.

“Oh. Him.” Cal made a sour face. She’d never forgiven her creator for sending us into space, alone and likely to die. “I don’t think he imagined anything for us…other than dying.”

“You know, by putting us in the Sabre and shipping us off to Ebes, he saved us,” I pointed out. “If we’d have stayed on Earth, if someone else had gone in our place, we’d be dead. Just like…you know…Mom and Dad. Just like everyone.”

“Does that mean you’re thankful?” Cal looked at me.

“No. I mean, not exactly.” I couldn’t think of the right words. “It’s not like he did it to help us. There’s no way he could’ve guessed what would happen.”

Cal offered a slender smirk. “Well then there’s your answer. He didn’t imagine us here. Not on Sumer. Not sitting by this river. Not alive. Not together.”

“You’re right.” I nodded. “I’m sorry. I’ll never bring him up again.”

She didn’t answer. But I knew she was happy to hear it.

* * * 

Later that night, as I roamed around the lower level of my house and clean up my messes, Cal drifted down the stairs and into the room. I worked by the light of three blue lamps, in whose light she floated and danced. Within one of the lamplights, she hovered longer than the others. The shadow she made on the pale wall was the same size as a person.

And for a moment I watched her.

Wishing.

When she left the light, her shadow vanished. She had a serious look in her eyes. She’d been upstairs for hours, no doubt plotting whatever she was about to say.

“Your sister’s getting married.” She flitted around me as I carried off a pile of clothes.

“Yeah. I heard.”

“She’s moving on with her life.” Cal ignored my sarcasm. “She’s making happiness for herself. She’s joining the rest of humanity.”

I dropped my clothes at the bottom of the stairs. There was no sense in avoiding Cal. She had something on her mind and she meant to share it.

“I know where you’re going with this,” I shambled back into the light.

“Well…” She crossed her arms. “I want to know what you’re going to do with your life. You’ve talked for years about dying early because of the Strigoi poisoning, but that hasn’t happened. Not even close. You have all these reasons for staying out here and being a hermit. And I…I just want to see you happy. This obsession of yours isn’t healthy. After Aly’s wedding, I think you should live in the city with me. We don’t have to move to Arcadia or anywhere fancy. But I think you should be with people again.”

“With people…” I murmured.

“Yes.” I could tell she was upset by the way the light in her body intensified. “Besides, I’ll have a body in a few months. A real one. It’s almost finished. I’ll be as human as you. Same voice. Same face. You don’t have to…you know…love me. But we should live close together. You should talk to other people. You should live a full life. I want it for you.”

I hadn’t expected her outburst, but I should have. For years, she’d dropped not-so-subtle hints about the hopes she had for my life. It was hard to see her so upset.

I stopped moving, stopped thinking, and gazed across the room at her.

“I like it out here. It’s peaceful,” I offered.

“No.” She shook her head. “You like it out here because you can walk in your field and stare at the sky all night. You like it because no one questions you or challenges you. You like it because you don’t have to be human. You get to pretend you died on Earth with everyone else. Well, guess what? You didn’t.”

I might’ve been angry.

But Callista was right.

*

 

* * *

Ghosts is the second chapter of upcoming science fiction novel, Shadow of Forever.

The first chapter is here.

Shadow of Forever is the sequel to sci-fi hit, Darkness Between the Stars.

It’ll be out in the first half of 2017.

Both books are by J Edward Neill

Both covers are by Amanda Makepeace.